Especially when you are struggling with amnesia and your memory lets you down frequently, it becomes a priority to organize life and use the best tools available. Food (and drinking) logs can help you keep track of your intake. Keeping an eye on finances protects you from ugly surprises. Daily to-do-lists can help you not […]
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Negotiating relational regulation (SystemWork)
If you have DID and you read Skills for Yellow area (6/7): relational regulation it might have caused unrest inside. Most systems struggle balancing relational regulation. This is normal. Splits happened in situations with unsafe others and there was probably no helper around. It is normal for parts of the system to either crave this […]
Relational regulation
This post is based on The one most important concept you NEED to know to stop dissociation: window of tolerance Because our main goal is to stay within the window of tolerance, skills for the red/blue area should become rare interventions, while we learn how to regulate ourselves within the yellow area (dotted line) before […]
The Distant Observer (Mindfulness)
With the distant observer we imitate something, that most of us experienced through dissociation. We will take an inner position that makes it possible to watch ourselves and what is going on inside of us from a distance. Not a detached, dissociated state, but the dispassionate ideal of mindfulness. Mindfulness is a form of guided […]
Mourning Loss (SystemWork)
Recently we had to say goodbye to a T. Someone we trusted enough to speak freely. Someone we allowed to see the things going on in the system. Someone in whose company we didn’t feel ashamed. There is no way to describe the extend of a loss like this. The whole system suffers. Some feel […]
It’s magic: Invisibility (for scared Littles)
A friend, who is the mother of a very creative child herself, taught me, that using a little fantasy doesn’t do any harm and that faith in some weekday magic can help with stability, comfort and calm. That is why I will tap into my small “magic” gift whenever it seems necessary. As long as […]
How to STOPP flashbacks (5 steps)
No matter how much you avoid, flashbacks will happen. And sometimes the effects can linger for hours or days. But it doesn’t have to be that way. We usually use the STOPP method to step out of flashbacks quickly and completely. “Stop!” out loud, when you notice what is going on. We like to […]
Overcoming helplessness: exercise your free will
The biblical word “repent” actually doesn’t mean to say you are sorry. It literally means “change the way you think”. It’s a transformation that goes deeper than mere words. Traumatized people often learned that they don’t have a choice. They felt helpless and they continue to feel helpless. But today offers choices. You are […]
The little “baan’t-go-on” (guided imagery)
A guided imagery for overwhelmed Littles Best to enjoy while lying on the floor or a blanket. After a story told by M, who is 6. She once heard, that God has a lamb, that can carry the burdens of the whole world and this is what it looks like for her: Maybe you are […]
Some Skills for Hyper/Hypoarousal: the mind
When we are feeling “too much” (red/ 10-8 / hyperarousal) or “not enough” (blue/ 3-1/ hypoarousal) we need to get “out” of the feeling and either into the body or into the mind. To get “into the mind” we use either mindfulness or what I’m going to call “mental gymnastics”. Some people prefer using “body”-skills because […]
Some Skills for Hyperarousal/Hypoarousal: the body
It is possible to experience hyper- or hypoarousal that is so intense that the brain doesn’t function properly anymore. We can’t be mindful and we can’t use our grounding tools. In these cases it is possible to work through the senses and the body. The measures taken here are not regulation tools. They are only […]
The window of tolerance
It might come as a surprise, but people don’t work best when they are absolutely calm. Studies have shown that we work, and learn, the best with medium levels of stress/arousal. When there is not enough or too much stress/arousal, performance will suffer. There is a certain “window of tolerance” where we are able […]