The concept that problems can happen ‘because of the nervous system‘ is getting a bit overused these days by people who barely know what that even means. That should not distract us from the fact that chronic trauma does change the brain and it is important to know that when we face specific problems. High risk behavior is one of these problems.
Our brain got used to high stress situations. They had an impact on how our neurons got wired. We adapted to our severe circumstances successfully. Because our brain was busy with survival functions it often did not spend a lot of time connecting the dots to form a stable sense of self in the normal world, from normal feedback from the environment. What sense of self we have might have gotten mixed in with survival networks of the brain when it was integrated. For one reason or another we might end up seeking out risky situations or overwhelm.
Why it feels good
Therapists have come up with a number of … interesting… hypotheses over the years why people seek high risk behavior. I would like to add a perspective that is not based on judging patients. Being in high risk situations creates coherence. Our inner reality and the reality in our brain finally match the outside situation. We feel the edges of who we are and where our body is. It does not just make us feel fully alive, it makes us feel solid, real, fully present and grounded in our body. It feels like we as a person are switched on and existing for real. We feel like ourselves instead of being numb, dissociated, disconnected. This might be the only time we feel connected within relationships and close to others. Our sense of self has a moment where it feels whole. It is not just a way to disrupt dissociation through intense stimulation. High risk is where our brain feels at home and works in a way that makes our sense of self feel stable and our mind feel sharp. In these moments, we are not at war with ourselves or our body.
The contrast to our usual feelings of numbness, helplessness, shame, disconnection and unaliveness inside could not be bigger. What if we didn’t do it because we are reckless but because it allows us to feel like a real living person for a moment. Because sensing ourselves got mixed into survival networks of the brain and we can’t access it on a quiet day. High risk behaviors create a ‘felt sense’ for us, it is just not a felt sense of safety. it is a felt sense of coherence due to the way our brain is wired.
What high risk behavior can look like:
- driving too fast
- doing drugs&alcohol
- promiscuity
- gambling/betting
- unsafe partners
- overspending
- shoplifting
- prostitution
- self-sabotage
- fighting
- recklessness that creates dangerous situations
- ….
Consequences
I am not here to lecture about morals. The big problem with these behaviors is not that they are bad in themselves. They have consequences. A bunch of these things are addictive and addictions ruin lives. In the very least, these behaviors cost us a respected place in society, which makes life harder than it already is. We are also on the path of getting ourselves retraumatized and who needs more trauma.
The thing is, we might be willing to pay this price if it means that we can continue to feel real sometimes. The sensation of actually feeling ourselves because we find the wave-length on which our brain functions is so central to being alive and wanting to be alive that it is impossible to give up. We need ways to feel coherent. Healthy people have no clue how intense it is when things always feel out of sync, off, don’t fit together and there is always a sense of disconnect on several levels of experience. We need coherence to keep going. Some of this can be resolved through trauma processing when synthesis happens on a brain level. But the need for sensation seeking will not go down immediately or completely.
Healthier options
I don’t think we should be forced to stop sensation seeking behaviors. The better solution is to look for options that don’t come with too high a risk and long-term damage to our life. Ideally, they create results we actually want to see for ourselves or others. I am starting a list here. You can add your ideas in the comments:
- creating art and actually publishing it on a public platform. That could include painting, videos, writing, photography, music, drama etc
- performing on stage, possibly improv
- public speaking
- sports like climbing, skydiving etc, just make sure that safety measures are in place and you know what you are doing
- taking classes where you have to take tests
- enter competitions
- train for parkour, crossfit, a marathon or other extreme endurance sport
- learn martial arts and enter competitions at your level
- if your brain needs pain, try pilates, trust me
- competitive computer games
- going to concerts
- escape rooms
- outdoorsy adventures with weather conditions
- downhill mountain biking
- …
- …
I personally am infamous for taking public speaking invitations in intervals the match the rhythm of my own need for sensation seeking. I know I feel the most connected to myself when I am on stage, and other people can see that as well. For a highly introverted person that is already plenty of excitement. If we know how we function we can pace ourselves and our need for this sensation and turn it into something productive. High risk behaviors are often misunderstood. It really helps to know how it feels and what it does to the feeling of coherence of body, mind and identity. We are not trying to ruin everything. We are trying to feel whole.
For Helpers:
We might show an unusual urgency to process trauma and use the harshest confrontation techniques out there because it makes us feel something and not because it is the right time or place to do it. Maybe we can’t feel connected to our therapists without the experience of survival functions being activated. We try to create closeness through shared extremes. Worst case, we persuade you to do really risky things in therapy that might retraumatize us. It is your job to pace trauma processing and to notice when it is abused as high risk behavior. There is a way to make use of our need for intense experiences but it needs real expertise to know what is happening and how it can be redirected.
You can read more about the neurobiology of trauma, changes in the brain and how to work with them in ‘Sensory pathways to healing from trauma: harnessing the brain‘s capacity for change’ by Lanius et al