I keep seeing this picture on social media.
I guess it could be an inspiration for people to try new things? It looks good, right?
Truth is, it is dangerous nonsense that can cause your symptoms to explode.
If we tried to get it scientifically right the picture needs to look something like this.
Magic can only happen inside your window of tolerance. If you step outside, you enter flight/fight/freeze zone and there are no unicorns out there.
The grain of truth in the original picture is that the magic doesn’t happen in the center of your comfort zone either. For learning and growth and to overcome your past you need to work in the dark orange at times, at the outer edges of your window of tolerance. This is still within your ability to cope. Don’t be scared to go there from time to time. Just have your Skills ready for an ordered retreat when you feel that you are crossing the line.
A good T will first teach you to find a comfort zone. You need that as a home base you can return to. When you have established a sense of safety and techniques to calm yourself down you can start to explore.
I have seen many who have pushed themselves to step outside of their window of tolerance to make magic happen. What they produce isn’t magic. They teach themselves to live in a state of crisis. It means that they need certain tools to survive there: They are returning to maladaptive coping like dissociation to shut down the pain they are putting themselves through. This is a safe way to stabilize your symptoms instead of creating stability for yourself.
Please feel encouraged to find a comfort zone and explore darker shades of orange with your T.
But don’t fall for the myth that anything good could happen outside your window of tolerance.
Read more The window of tolerance
This is my favorite article on this site. I have spent a lot of time here, lots of helpful info, but this is the one I come back to over and again. Recently I made some efforts at ‘activism’ on behalf of myself and other OEA surivors living with DID to do some public education and outreach. I mentioned this site and some of the other helpful articles on that tube you interview(s). But in the end, I discovered, sadly, that what counts as ‘activism’ to the public sphere largely turns out to be an unfortunate adventure into Mordor. It is best to remember that my Narwhal (unicorn made manifest into 3D form!) does best not swimming itself into hot waters. Small venture of horn poking holes into the ice in proper fjord regions is a far more suitable and magical endeavor. Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks for all your work for yourself to heal and from there to distill some of the harder science for useful digestion for DID folk. I had seen you mention elsewhere that ‘activism’ is not something you do and I wondered why. Now I know. Unicorns don’t go to Mordor.
I actually work in an advocacy job where I act as a consultant in a political setting. it is very different from activism because there is a willingness to listen to what I am saying. Activism is hard. My therapist I learned regulation from says that activation of the nervous system is already kind of in the name activism… a lot of fight energy. When the time is right, you might find a space where people are willing to listen and you can contribute without having to fight so hard.