You don’t need to have DID to have younger parts inside of you who might sometimes get agitated, scared, confused and stressed. Ignoring them and pushing through will not solve the problem long-term. You use dissociation to even make it possible and it will only increase the inner despair. Calming Littles is not as difficult […]
Self-regulation
Managing helpless anger
One of the strongest and potentially most destructive feelings a trauma survivor can experience (apart from chronic shame) is helpless anger. It triggers the deep sense of powerlessness that we experienced during trauma time and combines it with the uproar of energy found in anger. We often can’t handle the energy and turn it against […]
Being triggered and what to do about it
Living with trauma means that we will be triggered. It is part of the definition of PTSD. If the question is not “if” but “when”, we need to find a way to deal with it. Step 1: Notice that something inside you was triggered and understand your current experience as a reaction to the […]
The Wheel of Coping
When we are struggling, we try to cope. But there are healthy and there are toxic coping strategies. You will recognize toxic coping because it works short-term, but it has negative long-term effects. Things like alcohol, drugs, self-harm, binge/purge cycles, abuse of prescription medication, shopping binges, high-risk behavior, irresponsible sexual activity, dissociation acts of violence […]
Using anger (advanced)
We like to compare anger to a bonfire. If it is burning too high and gets out of control it can be destructive. If we manage to kindle it properly we can have s’mores. Like fire anger is not inherently bad. It just holds a lot of energy. Many traumatized people are scared of the […]
Regulators
The three main concepts we need for self-regulation (as opposed to relational regulation) are gauges, regulators and containers. While imagery, breathing techniques, relaxation exercises, DBT Skills, mindfulness, distraction etc are all „regulators“, you can literally use a regulator to return to your window of tolerance. Before you start to create a regulator you might want […]
Dealing with anger (nonviolent communication)
We have decided not to use the tools of the abusers when talking to other people or within the system. It means that we do not use punishment as a tool in relationships. It also means that we try to communicate openly without manipulation or triangulation. These tools might have been helpful once, while stuck […]
Preparation for emotional regulation: hyperarousal
PTSD makes managing feelings extra hard. That is why we will look at ways to deal with different emotions. But before we start with these steps there is one thing we need to take care of: And that is hyperarousal (flight/fight response) Hyperarousal (fight) is not anger, but the impulse for action might be similar, […]
Identifying your feelings (emotional numbing)
Before we can look into ways to regulate difficult emotions, we need to know what it is we are trying to regulate. Numbing is a common way of coping for trauma patients. When I first entered the mental health system I was unable to sense my emotions. My face was a mask that never moved. […]
Breathe
Ancient philosophy formed our thinking about the triune nature of the human being, who is a spirit with a soul living in a body. We often talk about these things as if they were separate parts with defined boundaries between them. We know better today. Being physically sick will have an influence on emotional well-being. […]
Why DBT Skills don’t work
DBT is a decent therapy for borderline personality disorder and it can teach us a lot about regulation. It is also not meant to be used for trauma or dissociative disorders. That is why we will run into problems, when we try to use DBT skills here. The concept of dissociation in DBT is one […]
Good for nothing
„I am good for nothing“ Many trauma survivors experience this thought one way or another. In most cases this is a limiting belief. If you tried you could find proof that there is at least something you do that is ok. There is one situation when this is true. And that is when you are […]