Self-regulation

Understanding chronic shame

by Theresa on August 1, 2017 in Emotions, english, Self-regulation

Chronic shame seems to accompany trauma. It is even part of the criteria for cPTSD. We have not found a miracle solution since we last wrote about shame in the compass of shame. But maybe this will add more understanding. Shame is not a “bad” feeling. There is a healthy version of it that helps […]

Gauge your inner Life

by Theresa on July 31, 2017 in basics, DBT Skills, english, Self-regulation

The three main concepts we need for self-regulation are gauges, regulators and containers. As staying within the window of tolerance is one of our main goals (the other two are „being in the present“ and „being connected“) we need something that helps us to figure out where we are at. We need some kind of […]

SkillKit to go

by Theresa on July 28, 2017 in basics, DBT Skills, english, Self-regulation

We have talked about the window of tolerance, how you can use Skills to stop dissociation and self-harm using both body and mind, how to use Skills to stay within your window of tolerance through relational regulation, distraction, containment, imagery and mindfulness. We also explained how to chain Skills to make them the most effective. […]

You can’t find Unicorns in Mordor

by Theresa on July 10, 2017 in basics, english, Self-regulation

I keep seeing this picture on social media. I guess it could be an inspiration for people to try new things? It looks good, right? Truth is, it is dangerous nonsense that can cause your symptoms to explode. If we tried to get it scientifically right the picture needs to look something like this. Magic […]

Compass of shame

by Theresa on June 19, 2017 in Emotions, english, Self-regulation, theory

Chronic shame accompanies trauma and (together with helplessness) it seems to be the most destructive feeling we experience. We don’t have 5 steps to end shame. We can just share bits and pieces of insight about this. It’s not going to be enough. We haven’t found a way out of shame yet. Some T’s believe […]

Dealing with Guilt

by Theresa on June 7, 2017 in Emotions, english, Self-regulation

For trauma patients it is normal to struggle with feelings of guilt . You are not alone with this. Let’s look at the difference between guilt and shame first. We like these short definitions: Guilt is thinking that you did something wrong. Shame is thinking that you as a person are “wrong”. Dealing with […]

How to work with Skill-Lists

by Theresa on June 1, 2017 in DBT Skills, english, Self-regulation

Lists with Skills are awesome and inspiring. But you need to work with them to shape them into a tool you can use. This post will help you organize your Skills so that they are ready when you need them. When it comes to Skills I want to give you biblical advice: “Test them all; […]

Skills for Yellow area (6/7): Distraction

by Theresa on May 31, 2017 in basics, DBT Skills, english, Self-regulation

This post is based on The window of tolerance Because our main goal is to stay within the window of tolerance, we need to learn how to regulate ourselves within the yellow area. We distinguish between self-regulation and relational regulation. Most people favor one or the other, but it is important to be able to use […]

The Path of Forgiveness

by Theresa on May 25, 2017 in Emotions, english, for helpers, mindset & thoughts, Self-regulation

As a christian I am concerned about the way some christians, but also some therapists, push trauma survivors to forgive. Yet I believe that forgiveness is important. While I believe that forgiveness is a choice, this is too simple . It is tempting just to speak the words and then keep avoiding the inner experience. […]

Skills for green area (prevention of dissociation)

by Theresa on May 19, 2017 in DBT Skills, english, self-care & life-skills, Self-regulation

This post is based on The one most important concept you NEED to know to stop dissociation: window of tolerance To avoid dissociation we are trying to regulate ourselves within the yellow and green area. Strictly speaking, skills for the green area are not “skills” as we know them. They qualify as “prevention” but I want […]

Negotiating relational regulation (SystemWork)

by Theresa on May 9, 2017 in communication & relationships, DID, english, Self-regulation

If you have DID and you read Skills for Yellow area (6/7): relational regulation it might have caused unrest inside. Most systems struggle balancing relational regulation. This is normal. Splits happened in situations with unsafe others and there was probably no helper around. It is normal for parts of the system to either crave this […]

Relational regulation

by Theresa on May 8, 2017 in communication & relationships, DBT Skills, english, Self-regulation

This post is based on The one most important concept you NEED to know to stop dissociation: window of tolerance Because our main goal is to stay within the window of tolerance, skills for the red/blue area should become rare interventions, while we learn how to regulate ourselves within the yellow area (dotted line) before […]